“We don’t get over losing our person. We carry grief and loss of our person with us daily, and always will.”
Every story shared with our First Light community brings a different, deeply personal dimension of loss into the open. Today, we are privileged to stand alongside Sue as she bravely shares her reality and honours the memory of her beloved partner, Wayne.
Remembering Wayne
When Sue remembers Wayne, it’s his warm smile and welcoming face that immediately bring her comfort. Wayne was a brilliant listener with an incredibly sharp mind.
"He had an amazing memory, and a knack for remembering what we were doing on this day 5, 6, 8 years ago. I miss that about him."
She also fondly recalls a sweet, playful tradition they shared each month: “He always pinched and punched me on the first day of the month.”
The Unrelenting Isolation of Loss
The transition to life without Wayne has been an agonising daily challenge. Sue notes that there is a constant reminder that her person has gone for good, explaining that her “brain continues to search for him.”
She wishes society understood the deep, unrelenting isolation that accompanies losing a partner—and how well-meaning comments can often miss the mark:
"No matter how many people say they love you, it feels so lonely. Society believes we need a partner and so many comments are 'you’ll find someone else, don’t worry.' I’m not sure I’d ever want anyone else."
This highlights the primary grief myth Sue wants to dismantle: the expectation that you eventually “get over” loss. Instead, grief becomes something you carry alongside you every single day.
Facing Compound Grief
For Sue, the heavy burden of losing Wayne was unimaginably compounded when she tragically lost her daughter two years after Wayne passed. Navigating multiple profound losses has brought a level of heartache that is difficult to put into words.
"I simply miss Wayne so much that my heart hurts. I honestly feel so alone even though I know I have a bigger community of people surrounding me than most. I still feel alone and no one has my back like he did, and since losing my daughter it’s even more apparent."
The Comfort of Steady Presence
Surviving such monumental loss has required Sue to uncover a deep sense of resilience and determination.
When it came to support, what helped most wasn’t grand gestures, but consistent, reliable presence. Sue credits the steadfast care of a loved one who gave her a safe place to land:
"She answered the phone every day that I called, and if I didn’t call her she called me, daily for months and months… it was comforting."
Words for the Early Days
To those navigating the raw, overwhelming early days of widowhood, Sue offers this profound piece of wisdom:
"Sit with your sadness as often as you can. The longer you push it aside, the longer it takes to accept reality."
A Note of Thanks
Thank you, Sue, for your immense courage, your fierce resilience, and for trusting us with your heart and Wayne’s memory today.
Share your story with us
We invite you to share your story with us. Whether you have been widowed one month, one year, ten years or more, your reality matters and your voice deserves to be heard.
If you feel ready to share, please click here, and answer any of the questions that you feel comfortable answering. You can share as much or as little as you like. We would be honoured to share your story with our community.
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