Widowed in February 2022, Sally Steele reflects on three years since her beloved husband of 28 years died unexpectedly. While she never thought she would get to a point of feeling some relief, she encourages anyone who is in the thick of tough sad times to “keep your heart open and golden, stay steady, trust the love of the universe is holding you all and focus on chartering a course that follows the sunshine on the horizon. When darkness falls follow the light of the moon and stars. Don’t lose sight of that beam of light showing you the way ahead xx.”
Week 156 – Day 1096 without you Jase – although I can’t believe it was 3 years ago this morning I got that fateful voicemail & opened the door to the police, it also feels like a lifetime ago.
3 years since I had to wake up our children you had carried to bed the night before joking about you needing to up your weights to carry our “baby giraffes”
3 years since I had to tell our children you weren’t going to make it & saw that little spark go out.
3 years of advocating for my children to be able to create the path & timeline to be able to choose what and who gave them comfort, courage, confidence, connection & joy to take another step whilst still being able to opt out when it felt unnecessarily overwhelming, pressurised & draining.
1096 days of rebuilding our family unit from the ashes – at times it felt like we would never find a way back. It felt we had been blown universes apart from each other & lost in space despite my massive efforts to create moments of memories, togetherness, at times I felt like giving up & just allowing the ash to bury us.
But I didn’t.
156 weeks of supporting their individual dreams & interests of saying yes to anything that made them engage again in the world & create new connections. Of allowing & holding the space & not forcing togetherness when it felt like I was failing.
1096 days of wave upon wave of challenges & obstacles emotional, logistical, physical, spiritual & mental.
1095 sleepless nights often with one or other or both children in my bed listening to my heart which reassured me we & they were going to be okay if I just held course in our leaky battered wee boat.
3 years on this relentless exhausting voyage but we are becoming a crew – even with the added tsunami like wave of your dad dying unexpectedly this year & us all being thrown back into the raging seas, my girls have not both reached out for me but have found their way back to each other.
4 days alone in nature at a retreat the first time since you died and in fact in 30 years & without the noise, pressure, expectation & exhausting demands of widowlife expecting to fall to pieces and sleep I realised in the quiet that I am okay. Peacefully I noticed there is a new sunrise inside of me ready to explore & live this life joyfully & make more music together…as a trio.
I know I am keeping my promise to my girls.
We will not just survive we will thrive 
