“The person who I’d turn to in my grief is the very person who I’m grieving.”
When Helen’s husband Trevor died suddenly in a surf accident on the eve of her birthday, her entire world shifted in an instant. Navigating the quiet after a sudden tragedy is a path no one is ever fully prepared to walk.
Below, Helen shares her journey through unexpected loss, the comfort found in shared memories, and how gratitude helped her slowly rebuild a life honouring the 35 years they built together.
A house full of "Trevorisms"
When Helen pictures Trevor, her mind goes straight to his presence—his “beautiful smile that reaches his eyes and his hearty, quirky laugh.”
Humour was the anchor of their household, powered by Trevor’s unapologetic love for a bad joke.
“Trev had the corniest sense of humour and he didn’t care how bad it was, he enjoyed the joke himself every single time… His humour was contagious and even while we would be cringing, we’d laugh along with him… and now my four sons and myself often tell ‘trevorisms.’”
Trev had the corniest sense of humour and he didn’t care how bad it was, he enjoyed the joke himself every single time... His humour was contagious and even while we would be cringing, we’d laugh along with him... and now my four sons and myself often tell ‘trevorisms.’"
Breaking down the myths of grief
Becoming a widow forced Helen to navigate deep, unexpected emotional terrain. Beyond the immediate heartbreak lay the painful paradox of losing her main source of support: the very person she turned to in hard times was the one she was grieving.
She also challenges the common phrase that “time heals all wounds”—a phrase that often oversimplifies the reality of severe loss.
"Our whole being has been turned upside down and inside out... [there is] the isolation of not being understood, that I didn’t fit into my world anymore. That life, that world has gone."
Finding healing through gratitude
Through surviving the initial shock of the first year, Helen discovered a resilience she didn’t know she possessed, discovering she was “stronger than I thought was possible.”
True healing didn’t come from forgetting or “moving on.” Instead, it began when gratitude started to surface alongside the sorrow.
"I came to a place where I became grateful that he died doing something he loved, and as gratitude for that and for the 35 years we had together in a deep deep love started to really surface, some healing began... Honouring that means living for the both of us... but it takes courage and time."
Gentle advice for early loss
To anyone currently moving through the heavy, dark days of early grief, Helen offers two simple, grounded pieces of advice:
- Be Authentic: Don’t hide what you are feeling or pretend to be further along than you are.
- Focus on the Moment: “Breathe; sometimes that’s all that’s required.”
A note of thanks
Thank you, Helen, for opening your heart and sharing Trevor’s legacy with our community. Your story is a poignant reminder of the enduring power of love and memory.
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